On Fire
February 22, 2007

I want to write like my head is on fire. Like every last word, emotion, and thought needs to get down on paper. Or else, danger. Though I do my best on the key board. I like the fast motion and the sounds of click-click-click. It takes to long that long hand business. I need to spew it all out and I want to see it there in front of me. Now. I have such strong emotions these days we can liken them to a roller coaster. But with that there is an end where you can get off, look back, smile and decide to enroll again. For me, here, I see no end. Just more ups and downs. And downs and downs. Those dips where your stomach is in your ears, you eyes are sealed shut and you are screaming at the top of your lungs. But without the fun. The anxiety of it all is so very much that I react inappropriately. A sharp small physical pain turns into a flood gate of tears. All of it, pouring out letting me release, when it was you that should have been releasing. I was the one coming out when you were the one inside. And that is not how it is supposed to be. But this is the problem when you keep it all inside. The feelings that is. Piling up. That's why I need to write it all down. Spill it before I make a slip like that again, one that hurts us all. Because at that point it is not just about my head on fire. There will be a full on fuego one that ends up burning down the house.

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9 Comments:
Blogger JustRun said:

It all feels a little better after there's something in black and white, doesn't it? I get that.

6:03 AM 


Blogger Ally said:

Is it sort of sad that my first thought was that you should dictate?

Writing can be such a catharsis of sorts.

7:27 AM 


Blogger brookem said:

I totally agree with the typing, the click click click-ing to get it down. Paper is not fast enough.

7:27 AM 


Blogger e.b. said:

I carry around a notebook and rarely write in it because it does not feel as good.

Ally - I spend all dictating (as I am sure you do), sometimes the quiet of writing is nice, don't you think?

7:31 AM 


Blogger Pam said:

There is just something relieving about getting all your thoughts, frustrations, and anger out while typing.

8:14 AM 


Blogger Ally said:

I definitely agree. I actually don't dictate near as much as I should. My mind just doesn't work that way for anything much more than a letter or depo/trial questions.

I have a pretty notebook I keep with me to jot down thoughts, but lately my journals have been more of the Doogie Howser vareity.

10:36 AM 


Blogger Cute Jewess said:

It's embarrassing how hard I find it to write on paper these days.

2:07 PM 


Blogger magnetbabe said:

I'm catching up and still reeling over that jackass from your last post. WTF?! I'm glad you laid the verbal smack down. You're awesome, girl!

5:31 PM 


Anonymous Tom said:

I think I like the idea of writing better than I would actually sitting down occasionally and doing the writing. I have an idea for a novel, and I considered buying a nice little journal (ooo, maybe one with a nice leather cover!) and carrying it around with me to jot down ideas and eventually write my -ha ha- masterpiece.

But I paused when I thought about how much physical writing that would involve, and I'd just have to type it out later anyway, so what's the use?!

Plus, if my book was longer than 3 pages, I'd be walking around with my hand clenched like Johnny Tremain... oh, 8th grade English class and your required reading...

11:45 AM 


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