On MTV they used to regularly run a special where they followed celebrities around their lives for several days. Generally they were doing mundane things. These were timed to coincide with an event to generate publicity. I saw Katie Holmes, before the Cruise fiasco, at home in Ohio baking cookies with her Mom. Those sorts of "we are real people too" ideas. These Diaries where used to show they are normal and there were things about them the tabloids did not cover. Sort of a whine, on their parts, as well as the publicity. To convey this, MTV had the celebrities repeat "you think you know, but you have no idea". I loved that. I use it all the time. You think you know, but you have no idea. It just hits it home.
I hate being called a spoiled brat, when I try my damnedest not to be one. (Any thought about that?) I feel like I am pushed into the role without my choosing but because it is assumed of me. How dare they then throw the label back in my face? I worry, at times, I look like one, but I sure as hell don't feel like it. I get what I want but I work for it and I own it. All of it, the mistakes included and the problems are all mine. (See what I mean, I do honestly believe it. They are mine. Did you know I even thought that?) But is that spoiled? It doesn't feel like it....not right now at least. Right now, I feel tired and worn down. Having to maintain control of everything all the time is tiring. Tired and tiring. I wonder what would happen if I just stopped and let all others control. Would the gassy stressed out stomach finally deflate? Or would it become worse because things would get fucked up? Not truly fucked up, but handled in the way that I hate or cannot stand so that I am even more panicked. Imagine the gas then. Do spoiled brats fart like that? It doesn't seem to come to mind when I generate an image of them in my head. Anyway, isn't generally the term used here J.A.P? Princess, Jewish, that whole package. Still, no, I don't think JAPS fart. But I do. A lot. Bet ya didn't know that one either?
Does the perception come from here? Does this mean I am a brat, because I'm pushy, I'm bull headed and I am as stubborn as hell. (Aries. 'nuf said). I need to be right and generally believe that I am. I only believe this because I like to think I come to my conclusions with careful consideration and thought. These are not irrational, fly by the seat of my pants, emotion filled decisions. There is thought. So when I make the decision I stick by it. Mistaken for stubborn or spoiled? But I don't really care. Because I am right. I will then make it so you see why I am right and how I came across that opinion. Again, mistaken for pushy and spoiled? Ditto on the don't care. Here not only am I right but I am sensitive and sharing. I want you to understand where I am coming from and how I got there. I want to share my perspective so we all can have an understanding of what is going on. Yes, this also means I want to hear what you have to say and think and your processes. See, sensitive and rational. (didn't think I was that either did you? You think you know......) And yes, I will grow frustrated and even chide if your processes are not rational. How can you stand by your opinion without having gotten there with a clear process? Why would you not extend the same courtesy to me that I did for you - giving me a guide post to follow your decisions and understand your thoughts. Maybe then I can see your side and learn from your logic. If done, I will, honestly and truly, re-evaluate. (I am rational after all) Otherwise I stick by my decision. Ka-peesh?
Fine. Pushy, stubborn and pig headed. And for chrissake, spoiled. But god dammit, please call me rational. Oh and gassy. A true gassy lassy. It's not fair without that label. After all, if you are going to sling names around, then you know me, right? And if you knew me, you would know the gas too. Just calling it like I see it. Anything else you got for me? Let's just say, you think you know but you have no idea.....and leave it at that.
Labels: Breathing, Everyday Life, Fart Queen Stories, Perspective
