Danger Zone
December 13, 2006

It is familiar dangerous territory. You wrap yourself into their lives so quickly. You become folded together, in an instant. I just don't understand how it happens. How you find men who are willing to play the insta-relationship game with you. One meeting and I am your girlfriend. Parents introduced, keys exchanged and lives sewn together in a matter of weeks. The pattern is the same. All of it down, to the bitter end. Because it always ends.

I am not trying to be harsh, critical or pessimistic. But it has to end. Too much too soon, becomes problematic for just that reason. There is a necessity to the slow and getting-to-know. First dates are special because of the newness and excitement. First kisses, first nights together, first everythings.

Jumbling it all together loses the excitement that is specially reserved for each moment. It is all exciting (probably even more so given the volume) but it is all over at once. The rush ends quickly without the accompanying base. Once the new wears off, there is nothing left there, since a foundation was not structured. Maybe there was never a real like, just the lust of the new. The whole package deal of excitement was enough to sustain the relationship and that was what's initially craved. That kept the glue together. Once the heat wears out, the glue melts and the entire package opens up and falls apart. Your feelings strewn about.

Because with the newness and excitement you gave your entire self. You had to. It is part of the pattern and how one enters into an insta-relationship. Your life halts, to contribute and consume in the depths of the man. Waist high deep in his life, openly neglecting yours. Once it is over, you are too. It takes muddy work boots and a crane to extract that mess. If only.......things moved slower, there would be more time to assess your true feelings, how you two really interact and if it is a good idea to move in together after the 3rd date. With time comes perspective and clarity. Moving quickly erases those functions and means you are 10 steps ahead of what is safe and sane. Not only have you moved fast but you have dug in deep, it is relationship quick sand. That is why it is dangerous.

It is why the warp speed dating machine is a crash toy waiting to implode. I am not jealous or resentful. I wish all well. But women are prone to do this with their relationships. We give, give, give to men. Their lives become ours. We cling quickly to avoid loneliness and boredom and to feel wanted, sexy, and attractive. We all want those things and ten times more. Really we deserve all those things. But there is a practice and procedure and it is there for a reason; it is necessary. It is how we know those things are genuine and not fabricated. That does not come from forcing it's hand. Relationships take time and are not all give and push. We need that time to develop, grow and learn. From each other, from our mates, and about us. To plow it all into an accelerated pace ruins the intended effect. It is impossible to do it, and to me, that is why it all ends inevitably. That is why it is so dangerous.

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Blogger Accidentally Me said:

I am totally a slow-and-steady girl and I completely agree with you. I am amazed at how quickly people can accelerate a relationship just for the sake of having someone. And it usually ends up worse for the girl than the guy...not always, but more often than not.

8:22 AM 

Blogger e.b. said:

Exactly. That is the danger - generally it is done to ourselves and our self esteem.

8:56 AM 

Blogger brookem said:

My last relationship was like that. And by "last" it obviously goes to show how that turned out. It was all VERY very quick paced. Too much, too soon. No real first date, no courting, none of that. Insta-everything. And look how it turned out.

1:45 PM 

Blogger JustRun said:

I couldn't agree more.

Anymore, when I see a friend do this, I just wince, turn my head away and wait for the sound of the crash, because there will be a crash.

4:14 PM 

Blogger e.b. said:

It just amazes me - that she is willing to do it (again and again) and that he is willing to play along. What does that say about him as well?

6:55 AM 

Anonymous Anonymous said:

That post deserves a burp.


11:07 PM 

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