My Psuedo Family and Psuedo Home
October 19, 2006

I don't really mind writing about work here. To me it is a big part of my life. The job I have is a part of my career and truly something I worked for my whole life. I was in school until 25 and spent three months studying for my professional certificate and license. Lets not even get into the cost of all that. We have 30 years and six figures to deal with that. So this has not only been something that is my whole life but it is a great part of my life. Given all that, I really need to explore options outside of my job. Oh boy do I ever. Tennis Anyone? Yoga, baking, volunteer work. All on my high, high priority to-do list. Yet, for the time being, and for the greater part of the last two years, the job has been a dominanting force in my life. Having invested so much time and effort getting here, its really no wonder. I am reminded of it every month when Sallie Mae deducts a chunk of change from my bank account.

I also derive a lot of satisfaction and esteem from the job. I know I am not the only one. We all do because of the time, effort and expense we put in to get there. Plus the hours spent in the office itself. Blood, sweat and tears if you will. Yes, true tears, and not always behind closed doors either. Senior and Junior partner are like parents in their own right. This is true not just based on gender, but because they want to really care and know and be in control of your life, just like 'rents. They also have the power to make or break your day with comments, criticism and critiques. Just like mom and dad. So with all these factors in place it is no wonder the job has become the J.O.B. Trust me it is not a place I call home just because I spend most of my waking hours there.

So I have no problem writing about it. Otherwise, this would not be about my life. My stories center around my job, in the same way they do my (non-psuedo) friends and family. There should not be any secrecy about it (attorney-client privilege understood). I know, I know, no one wants to hear about other peoples job woes. After all, we all have them. But these are by far unique to the legal practice. While bull shit is bull shit, it runs a whole new stink in a law firm. It is probably the effort and time put in to getting there. It is also definitely the attitude amongst litigators. Yes, their shit does stink. This is what creates new and different bull shit. It is also what makes them unique and crazy.

What is especially unusual here is that mom and dad atmosphere we have going on. This also creates a sibling relationship(or rivalry) amongst the associates. Truer because they are all young as well. I mean really under 33. Pretty young. In general really the whole staff is young. This creates a jovial environment and fun times. Lunch, coffee breaks, discussions about boys, TV and feeling FAT. A close knit group that can rely on each other in all situations. And we have; babies, breakups, weddings and deaths. It is a lot of camp like drama and sorority type times. That is until you lose a member of your family. It is inevitable. People leave all the time. We even hear in those practicing with professionalism classes, all associates will be fired from a job sometime in their legal career. Still when it happens in your home, it really hits the bull shit on the head. BAM. It is the reality that it can happen at any time to any one. It is the reality that we are down a man. For a small group, that is a large percentage of our family gone. It is the reality that your esteem and self worth, your home, can be swept away quickly. In an instant.

But it is not an instant. It is something we have talked about over morning coffee, afternoon lunches and times we should be working. Yeah those doors are closed, we are talking about about it. We are paranoid and insecure. Are their lights on because they are talking about us? Why am I not doing that depositon? She has a lot more hours then I do. Since we are not privy to all the information, speculation is rampant. It is our second favorite past time, right behind eating. On top of that, it is something I have thought about on my own and wondered about out loud to my parents.

I want to believe they care. I really want to think that the feelings and sentiments are genuine. They do play the mom and dad card. Not that they use that phrase, since those are our sentiments. But they create a role and appearance like they are parentals. Asking and prodding about our lives. Playing good cop-bad cop off each other. I know my parents divided up the roles like that at time. Plus, they are human and at times exhibit emotion (while that may sound obvious, sometimes that is in question, note I said at times). References have been made to the machine like qualities they exhibit. No joke, plugs and all. But, they too have been here, where we are, and you would think a level of recognition and understanding would be present. We can all empathize. But then you think back to your sorority initiation days of hazing, fat circling and binge drinking. That was done to you, because it was done to them. They remembered how much it sucked, but did it anyway. So couldn't the same be true here. Lets throw in several hundred thousand dollars that makes it worth their while. I mean why would they repeat the refrain of caring, understanding and compassion? About futures, partnerships and responsibilities? It's like saying you are funny. That doesn't cut it. If you are, people know it. It does not need to be explained and defended. It shouldn't be. That is why we tend not to believe. And why we speculate. But really that is why it is interesting.



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