There are somethings that should remain behind closed doors. We all do things we hide; nothing hush-hush, but just our shtick. After my showers, I pluck my eyebrows and closely exam my acne. Ahhh yes to be 27 with a good 'ole case of teenage acne. It provides me with a good ten minutes of picking and countless hours at the dermatologist. But it also gives me some time, with a foggy mirror, clean face, open pores, standing in my towel. On Sex and the City, Carrie referred to these things as "secret single behavior". I have to believe we all have them. There are just somethings I like to do privately, with no one watching, looking or judging. It is those few minutes a day when you get to be yourself and enjoy it with no apologies or worries. I have to use the bathroom in peace, no conversations, the door needs to remain closed. It's my time to enjoy the release. Sorry, calling it like I see it. I have to adjust to the fact that someone else can hear me, but to see and talk to me is a whole other event. Even at work, I can't stand when someone next to me is chatting about scheduling a deposition. C'mon. I am by no means shy, that is not what this is about. I will fart and walk around with cellulite hanging out (at home, not work, ahem.). But even then I don't mind being open. There are just these things that I like to do in private. Maybe it is also about alone time. Quiet contemplation. Getting in touch with myself, literally in the case of plucking and picking. Or it is just those times when I need to be......well me. These are behaviors we adopt as younger versions of ourselves, that we cannot and should not compromise on. They make us a whole person and allow us to enjoy ourselves. None are embarrassing, just things we like to keep hidden, tucked behind the pocket doors. We can enjoy them better and rejuvenate, to again face the world. For me with perfectly plucked brows and fewer zits.
I also need to write alone. It makes no sense, since others read these words. Nor is it about the quiet, since I never sit in silence, there is TV or radio or even sometimes both. Yeah, I am so energy efficient like that. Even now, he can be near, but I need to be in the corner, typing. Lap top lapped watching DVR's of America's Next Top Model. This is my time, to reflect and think. To be me. My thoughts can flow freely, I can breathe and review my words on my time. A form of a closed door, since it is just me and the keyboard. At least until I hit publish.
I do all those same things and hope to always do them alone. Some things just don't need to be shared. Writing is different in that you share it eventually but that's after it's complete, which is sort of like letting other people hold your baby even though no one will know it like you do- or at least I imagine it this way
I am fortunate enough to have two bathrooms, so I can relax in there. Alleviate the guilt of taking too long.