A Whine
January 31, 2007

I can't call it SAD as she did, because really we have no seasons. It alternates between chilly and warm and the sun is usually shining. I know it is not depression. Not even the slang term we have adopted to represent the clinical diagnosis. It is just the blahs. At times linked to hormones other times to circumstances. A sort of wah feeling. That I want nothing and to do nothing. Really it feels like nothing fits right. No I don't mean my clothes, because those are actually looking good. I am talking me. Anything I try on for size does not seem, well, correct. I need something more, something different. I feel restless and tired at the same time. Worn out and annoyed. Nothing seems to soothe this emotion. I read what she said and think that sounds wonderfully lovely. Back to back posts about self improvement, visualization, goals and pampering. I think I will go to Borders and pick up some books like those she mentioned. Then I grow tired and don't feel like driving. It seems too far and too much trouble. And I think that I don't really want to do any of those exercises anyway. And how when I quit half way through that project I will feel worse about myself and my state. So I try to conjure up ideas on what else I can do to get out of the funk. Small things, like a Starbucks, a magazine or playing music. All seem, too small. I don't want to make busy with dinner or baking. The effort in planning, executing and cleaning is too much for me. It is taxing even considering such an endeavor. I tried yoga the night before and it helped. But only for a while. Because the feeling came back. So I am not sure if another class is the true fix. And again, I just feel too spent to put the effort in to change clothes, grab my mat and drive over. Ditto for the treadmill. Seems like such an ordeal. When in reality it is there in the second bedroom and all I really need to do are tie my sneakers. But it is just this mindset and feeling. And an idea that more needs to change, which will not be helped by cooking a lasagna or doing a few miles on the treadmill. This is bigger and needs a larger band aid. I am not there yet though. Diagnosing the problem is still the top priority and that is in it's infancy. It is multi-layered. I feel bad about myself and not in the I am fat and ugly bad about myself. This too is multi-faceted. So I am not yet at solutions stage of the game. For now I am assessing and evaluating. Trying to see if I am a complainer or a realist. If these are legitimate concerns or just a passing emotion. These ideas and notions hit all of us from time to time. At least I tell myself that, to make myself feel a little better. These blahs come and go and sometimes they are real and we need to address them to improve ourselves and our mental status. And sometimes I am just a whiner. So for the time being a glass, or several, hell really it was a whole bottle of wine and some cheese-ass TV will soothe the pain. At least until I pass out from the alcohol.


Blogger brookem said:

I'm sorry you're in a bit of a funk. I don't have any spectacular words of wisdom, because I too feel very similar lately. At least you have more cheese-ass TV to look forward to- Grey's tomorrow. Hang in there.

7:07 AM 

Blogger JustRun said:

I don't mean to "use" your funk but it is so reassuring to me to know I'm not the only one. Where does this stuff come from, I wonder.
I don't have fool-proof cures yet, but I sure have tried a lot. My next try is going to be a bottle of wine and Grey's Anatomy tomorrow night. :)

Thanks for your honesty and your supportive comments to me.

8:17 AM 

Blogger Runner Girl FL said:

I have been there. Currently I'm only there in the work catagory and I'm fixing it so...I can tell you it will end.

For now...enjoy the bottle and the TV. I usually pick a Saturday morning to hide under the covers with a book till I fall back to sleep and then wake up and read somemore.

2:26 PM 

Blogger magnetbabe said:

I prefer to think of the funkiness as personal growth spurts. Sometimes you need to hide inside yourself to go through a metamorphosis and emerge a better, more in touch person. I say don't force yourself, let it cycle through naturally.

5:51 PM 

Blogger e.b. said:

Thank you all. It does help to put it out there and write it down. I appreciate the kind words and really knowing that others feel that way from time to time.

5:52 AM 

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