Thinking and thoughtfulness
September 21, 2006

My friend PDV once told me to be careful what you ask for in a relationship, because it might not actually be what you want. (see, below on PDV). Once you say the words out loud, you tend to realize how silly they are. You also tend to realize that those words may not be the true problem, it may be something else that is bothering you. So just be careful.

She was dead on. I do it all the time and instantly regret my decision to speak up. It usually is just saying the sentences out loud that makes me realize that I do not truly mean it and that I am being silly, for lack of any better word. Yet, I still do it. I did it last night. Magoo HELPS me around the house, all the time, without asking. He does the dishes, the laundry, walks Ginger, goes to the grocery store, make coffee and one thousand tiny little other things. Yet, I decided this was not what I needed. While this was nice, I decided that this was all perfunctory and necessary. He was helping himself too, after all. They were his dishes and his dog also. Plus, these are all things I can do on my own, without a man. If he were not here they would continue to get done by me. I have a man around to send me flowers and do thoughtful things for me. So I said that. Oops. Regretted it instantly. Could I be more of a bitch? Um, let me see, nope. He does all of those things listed above, without asking and without question. To him they are thoughtful. No doubt, they are not romantic. But they are beyond helpful and do make my life 147% easier. Now isn't that thoughtful?

I probably should have thought more about my topic of choice and opted for a conversation about romance. Instead of going the route I chose. But in my defense (there was a lot of thought, just not the proper kind) I felt that if he was going to exert effort, I would prefer it to be of the romantic kind and not the domestic kind. I did not want to hear that he spent two hours doing laundry and to him that was enough. Because I do not need my laundry done. I need someone who is thoughtful about me and what I want. That person would then know that I needed those things and also know that dishes and dogs are not what I need washed. I would prefer my trash to sit out if it meant thoughtful and romantic time together. Though a thoughful gesture could still involve cleaning, like taking my car to be washed when you know it is dirty. It does not always have to be grand (expensive) gestures either. Like buying the Last Kiss CD you know I have mentioned 39 times. It is something to show that you are actually paying attention to me, for me, and who I am. Not what you think I am. Not what you think I need. Actually think about ME.

So, I shared all of that. I think my convoluted message was heard - all relationships can always use more romance, especially at the expense of an un-made bed. I think I also heard my own message. I KNOW I need to really take PDV's advice to heart and think before I speak.



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