The Other Woman
October 25, 2006

"We need to conference and cocktail. I know, you know, what we need to discuss."
"Oh, yeah, I know. I have been in Atlanta all week, any new developments?"

I played dumb, pretending I didn't already know the details. They had been provided to me already out of concern, not gossip. But I needed to get the full story straight from her. So I listened the entire time, to her version and the details from the beginning.

I knew she approached it from the condescending way. I knew her all too well. Hell, she pulled it on me in the past, she had done it too all of us. Even when it was not warranted. And here it was warranted. God good was it warranted. I even heard first hand that these comments were dished out. She said she wanted to cry, get her bag and leave. But she stuck around and heard it. I can't say she listened, because to me that implies comprehending. Crying probably would have been good for her. Make her emotions run out and let reality set in.

I just didn't know what ground she covered and to what extent. Do you start with the adultery? That he is married, two kids, a house and a dog. He had the whole package. With another women. But now she was "the other woman" and not in a good way. Hell, is there ever a good way? But that part of the drama was so evident, did that need to be re-enforced? How could you even want to enter into that sacred bond? I think she probably brought it back to reality. Used an analogy to all their married girlfriends and tried to illicit sympathy. Think about if she was the victim. Or even her own parents. Who god knows probably have gone through some of their own affairs, and look where it left them. We all know how that family structure looks today, like a dilapidated house cracking at the seams. Not so steady. So would that have hit it home? Made the reality of it all come crashing down on her one bedroom apartment?

Or did she discuss how they have never even met each other? How she has conjured up this reality that may not actually exist. Who knows who he is. What he looks like. How he smells. What is touch is like. All those qualities we derive attraction from. Are you really attracted to someone you have never seen in person? What about all those fermones you read about. I don't think you can send those via IM. Not only does it beg the question of, do you really like him vs. do you like the attention, but is he telling you the truth? How easy is it to create stories over e-mail? He does not have to look her in the eye. And she does not get the benefit of women's intuition coupled with the tell-all body language signs. None of it could be true. Especially the part about how heinous is wife is. One day he could stop playing this game and turn back to his family. Where does that leave you? Alone and forgotten. I hope she threw that one in.

Maybe she went with the obvious complications of any relationship, truth telling and adultery aside. He lives in another city. Is someone going to move? Or will this just be long distance. What about if he does divorce her, that could take months or years to clear up. I can't imagine you want that time to coincide with the start of a new relationship. Then there are his kids to consider. Their role in your relationship. I hope she pointed out that he probably won't move here owing to that fact. Do you want to be a surrogate mom to them? Will the ex even let you near them? Highly unlikely given who you are. So then what really?

I have to think she said all of that. I am sure she even threw in more that I didn't calculate. Like I said she can be evil. She generally does not hold back with chastising words. The almost tears probably came from some where.

So I went a different route. I didn't criticize or condescend. I tried the reality and even went so far as doomsday predictions. I played the lawyer card on her and told her the worst case scenarios that she has created. She will lose her job. Not a question. Coming from someone who has contemplated firing a lot recently, she will be fired for this. So will he. They spent time when they were supposed to be working, having an affair. They will find the IM's and e-mails. Totally a firable offense. She seemed to think the embarrassment stemmed from having her IM's read. Well fine, if that did it. But how about explaining to your potential new employer and your family that you had been fired for an extra-marital affair that you used company time and resources to conduct? How does that sound? To me that is pretty embarrassing.

I explained that in a nasty divorce, with a good lawyer, those same records would be subpoenaed. His co-workers would testify. Hell, she would even be called to testify. All of those records would be read, by a lot of people. Maybe even publicly. There is no doubt she would be fired then. I didn't point out, but hoped it was obvious, how is a relationship supposed to withstand that? Lost jobs and failed marriages? I then lied, to prove my point, and told her that her cell phone records showed the actual content of the text messages. People will read every single one, see the flirting from the beginning. They will see how many there were, especially during business hours. Those will be subpoenaed also. Yup, even yours. Don't think they won't find your phone number. C'mon that is easy and it is their job. You made it that much easier and that much worse by adding him to your plan and sending him a phone. Now it's just child's play for them. Her lawyer will go to town. I know I would.

I just don't think any of it worked. Mine or her approach. It is only going to get worse from here. Unless it ends. And not the bad way. Just fizzles out and ends. If that is possible. People are already hurt and some lives are impacted. I don't want to say devastated, because people recover from divorce. Especially when someone cheats. It usually means there is something wrong in the first place. But an impact and dent have been made on that family. The best that can be done is if she removes herself. Leaves them alone and they are left to deal with their own problems. I just don't see it happening though. She was not processing any of it. Not a thing. She was convinced she had not done anything wrong, after all it was just texts and nothing physical. I swear she said that. Good god woman. You are so knee deep in it, you can't see through the shit. That is what I mean about burying the guilt and living with it. It is freaking sad and scary, for her and for all wives really. That's why I need a cocktail. I also think that is where my cheating dream came from, all of this rattling around my brain.

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